I love being on summer holiday. The sun, the sea, the pool - it’s paradise! The problem is, Summer and I, we don’t get on that well. By not well, I mean if Summer’s the pleasant, sophisticated family gathering, I’m the drunk uncle that everybody kind of wishes wasn’t there. I just don’t get how one is supposed to look attractive, or even respectable, whilst allowing the sun to slowly cook you. Yet, somehow, some people seem to manage it.
I feel like I’ve missed some exclusive invite to the ‘I look hot whilst sunbathing and swimming and just generally in life’ club. We all know them. These bronzed goddesses just lie there, looking P E R F E C T. Any sweat that their bodies may dare to produce only serves to make them look inexplicably hotter than they did before. When they swim, they do so gracefully, without getting water in their eyes or spitting when they come up for air, looking more at home in the water than a mermaid would. Whereas watching me exist in 30 degree plus temperatures is like watching a spontaneous combustion in slow-mo. Hot, pink, and above all, disastrous.
To try and make up for what I lack in raw sunbathing sex appeal, today I even attempted to adopt a Cara Delevingne-esque sass when strolling around the pool, until I realised I don’t have sass - I have sunburn. Sunburn, sweat and squinty eyes (either from the lack of contact lenses and therefore blindness, or chlorine in said contact lenses). It makes quite the beautiful combination I’ll have you know!
Now this isn’t an “I’ve tried this product and it really helps with this problem” kind of post, this is a genuine plea in the hope that someone, anyone, feels my pain. Will my love of summer heat ever be united with my dream of a poolside scene that doesn’t involve me looking like a cooked ham on a sun lounger? Who knows.
If you enjoyed laughing at my troubles in this slightly different, more rambly post, please feel free to comment below! Also, if you feel my pain/have any tips, I urgently need you help.
Yours in desperation,
(Now because that was quite a Debby Downer of a post, here's a picture of a sunset).